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Pushing the Monkey

This period of my life is filled with rest. Not the awesome kind of rest that leaves me feeling refreshed. It is a rest that is forced upon me by my own body. Sometimes it is because my head hurts so bad that all I can do is lay down. Sometimes it is feeling so nauseated that I can’t walk straight. Today, it is because I over-exerted myself three days ago.

My help was needed to plan and execute a funeral and repast in a four day window. I spent too much time on my feet and bending over. I did not listen to my body until it was screaming. How terrible.

Now my head hurts, my back hurts, my legs and feet. All of everything hurts. Here I sit, typing this post, soaking up the lesson I have learned. I have to listen to my body. My heart speaks volumes and this weekend it needed to make sure this family was taken care of. As wonderful as it is to help them through their mourning process, I have been laid up for three days, unable to take care of my own business.

My advice to the world? Plan for your illness or inabilities. It has been a year, and I am not quite used to being so limited by my body. I have to remember that I can’t stand up for 6 hours a day. Any day. for any reason. It will never feel good. It will always cause a headache. It will make me sleep for endless hours as my body tries to heal.

In MOST cases, I can set my schedule by how I feel. I have about 7 things I do every week, everything else is fit in based on how I am feeling or medical necessity. Now I can see that I need to further refine these times and make sure that I have enough time set aside after a larger event for recuperation. There will always be room for improvement and I hope to keep making strides in scheduling so that I have time for all of the necessities and some of the fun stuff.

Hopefully, you are listening to your body too. Even when it says things lie, “don’t drink” or “sleep another four hours”. If you aren’t at a place in life where you can do this (I have not worked in a year and I am waiting on my disability paperwork to be processed, so no working), be selective about where you go and what you are up to. Before I stopped working I had to cancel events, gigs, dinner dates, and everything else that was too much for me to handle. In the end, I had to give up work and school also. Now, I do a lot less and I go out a whole lot less, but I am better able to predict my good and bad days because I am able to rest when I need to.

Listen to your body. It knows what it needs. Otherwise, be prepared for more uncomfortable days than you have to have.

The Active Monkey

If you have Chiari, you know that some days are just rough. If you don’t, I assume you still have rough days, but hopefully there are more good days in-between. Kast week, I started a meal plan courtesy of a friend who is all about that fitness and I have been trying to stick to it without driving myself insane.

I have come to realize how important diet is; especially with so many bad days. There are days where I get less than 200 steps in because I am lying down all day. There are days when I get 6000 steps in and I feel so accomplished. When I am trying to achieve is some kind of balance that allows me to be active every day, even when I may not feel my best. even if it is only for 10 minutes.

That’s where things have gotten kind of interesting. While I may have started the diet portion of my plan a week ago, two weeks ago I started training for a 5K (again). I tried earlier in the year, but when it hit peak Las Vegas temperatures, I was unable to continue. I spent most of the summer languishing, which is really a first for me. Anywho, I began this Baby Steps to 5K that is on my Samsung Galaxy Note 4 (no, they do not give me money, I just like typing it out). It is a program in the S Health app and it is 10 weeks from sauntering to jogging that 5K. There are three days a week that you choose to do the workouts, and the other 4 are off days. I have been keeping up fairly well, but I wanted to make sure that I stay busy on the other days, so I decided to reincorporate a medicine ball workout on my off days. That focuses mainly on arms and midsection.

“But Michelle, what about leg day?”

I have gained about 40 pounds since my surgery. Now, I have a hormone imbalance that we are pretty sure is working against me, but my poor legs have to bear the weight of my expanded bottom. To give my knees a little break, I decided that lifting myself is enough for a few weeks. I also have to take into account how tired I get and leg exercises take up a LOT of energy.

So, here I am. At a place in my life where I have to really push through weight loss while not over-exerting myself or causing headaches. That is really where the rubber meets the road. I hope that I will be able to continue this path without any major health related disruptions.

I miss smaller Michelle. Her knees always felt better and she always took the steps. Either way, I plan to celebrate every milestone, every pound lost, every victory. I deserve that. We all do.

Having chronic health issues can often lead to more health issues due to inactivity or decreased activity. So, you may have to change that cheese stick to a carrot stick, but you will thank yourself later.

Sometimes you need to reward yourself with the cheese stick, though.

The Planning Monkey

I am a control freak. I like knowing what to expect. I like a good plan. I hate the unexpected. I don’t like surprise parties or pranks. I have ordered the same sandwich for the past 16 years. I have always known what I needed to do, how it needed to be done, and where to do it. My brain held dates, locations, passwords, recipes, pins, and everything else.

Now, I have to check the day of the week at least four times a day.

First I began to rely more heavily on the calendar function on my phone. I have a Samsung Galaxy Note 4 and I used the default calendar and it did what I needed. As my memory got worse, I downloaded Google Calendar and that changed the game for me. It allowed me to color code and it was just more intuitive for me.

I have to be reminded every day to do the everyday stuff I do every day!

If your memory isn’t keeping up, I recommend finding a calendar for your phone that really fits your lifestyle. I like the ability to color coordinate events and it syncs seamlessly with the rest of my Google apps.

But even this robust calendar couldn’t keep up with my inability to remember. So, I started looking into other methods to keep a schedule. I found an old Day Timer book and I just needed to get the paper for it. The set I needed was about $50. Since I am not working, that is way outside of my price range until my finances get settled.

Went to Michael’s and after a few minutes of browsing I found what I needed.

It spoke to me from the endcap.

This is a Happy Planner. I had seen someone with one before and asked her about it, but I had forgotten about it already. I happened to be there during a one day sale on Mother’s Day. It normally cost around $30, but I got 50% off because of the holiday. So, I got it.

And I love it.

It is a whole system, so I can get the parts that work for my life and leave the rest of them alone.

All the things!

These are most of the things that I got to customize my planner. It isn’t much. I always have a coupon that gives at least 40% off, it brightens my day.

Today, I finally got the addition I have been wanting. It is for household stuff like cleaning and budget. I never needed anything to direct my life. My previous planner was just because I wanted to look professional, I didn’t actually need it. It just held my stamps. Now, I need my planner to remind me to clean the bathroom. Life, amiright?

Ok, so I can’t remember the last time I did laundry. Now, the planner does that.

I am not trying to sell the products I use. I am just trying to explain how I cope with scheduling. There are so many products out there. Go look at them. Ask people what they use. I may never have the memory that I once had, but that doesn’t mean that I can’t try to keep a schedule that works for my situation.

I feel like this planner (along with the calendar) allows me to feel like I am in control of my schedule. I like control

Get The Monkey Out!!

Christmas is over. This year it felt very hollow. Not the family or anything like that. Usually at this time of year I feel differently. I am outwardly focused. Trying to finish finals, go shopping, decorate, help whoever I can. Cooking huge meals and delicious desserts while singing my favorite traditional carols at full volume.

This year, November and December were all about myself. Visiting doctors, taking pain medications, MRIs, sleeping, lots of sleeping. Then the surgery. Everything changed. I needed help sitting up. Someone was feeding me. Walking me to the restroom.

Today, 27 days from the table, I can fix really easy food for for myself. I don’t use the walker. I clean myself up. I can spend a few hours out of the house, though it is exhausting.

People want to come visit, but it is difficult because I never know how I will feel or if my body will try something new. A good friend came to visit. Luckily, not much happened but she is a nurse and knows how to handle the unexpected body quirk.

For the past 2 days I have been sleeping a lot. Not sure why, but when my body says “sleep” I make sure to listen. My days blur together; I don’t always know if something happened today or yesterday.

My healing is my main focus. I want to get better so I can actively help and love others. That’s why the season feels so empty. It been all about me. Even for my family, it has been all about my recovery. No trees or lights, no listening to Handle’s Messiah. They have been getting prescriptions, taking me to post-op appointments, doing my laundry, buying all the crazy little things I need. Sitting with me so my sister can rest.

I feel like I swallowed the holiday season. I know I didn’t, and I would be there for any one of them, no matter the time of year. We still enjoyed our small Christmas gathering. We had a big breakfast with pancakes, eggs, Applewood bacon, maple sausage, grits, creamed corn, cheddar biscuits. It was all good. I now understand love on a deeper level. Not a single person in my family has complained about how my condition has affected their lives. No one has made me feel bad. They have let me know that they are tired. That is to be expected. They put a lot of effort into seeing that I am comfortable and in good spirits every day.

Look, if people are willing to care for you, know that they are working very hard and long hours to see to your care. They are good folks if they don’t make it your business to know a lot of how they feel. So you have to be kind to your caretaker. Thank you. Say it. All the time. Please. It’s very much in fashion to be polite as a sign of your gratitude. And if they come to you with a grievance, listen and find a way to deal with it that satisfies both parties.

After getting surgery on my sinuses, I asked my sister to make me Macon and eggs. Multiple times a day. Multiple days in a row. In top of the other things she had to do to care for me, like clean out my nose (where she coined the phrase “bloodmucous”), follow my 3 hour med cycle, and everything else. On day 3 she looked terrible, like she had been locked in a dungeon for a few months without light. No sleep. Kinda in a daze. Following preset alarms with instructions on the phone. On day 4, she came in the room and announced that she cooked the bacon. ALL the bacon. And the ends and pieces too. There would be no more bacon and eggs. NO MORE!!

See, I didn’t consider that she needed time to rest and there is peanut butter and jelly. Now, I am better about that. Sometimes we order in. Sometimes Mom brings food. Sometimes she cooks. It’s easier on her this way so, this time she looked a lot better on day 3. This time, she just looked like she spent the weekend partying. It’s been a journey and it isn’t over yet. I can’t even pour a gallon of milk yet. But I did put peanut butter on bread, so, yeah!

Now, I am really wanting to get out and see the world I miss so much. Focus on something besides myself.

Soon.

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Monkey 23

It has been 23 days since surgery and 2o since I have been recovering at my sister’s house.

I am able to walk fairly well. I don’t use the walker unless I know I have a lot of walking, but I am resting a lot more because of my pseudomeningocele, the bubble of spinal fluid collecting at the base of my skull. (Gonna probably write stuff you may have read, but just in case…)

Because I pulled my lumbar drain out, I have a higher risk of the fluid not being absorbed quickly enough, so it makes a bubble on my head where it pools. Part of what helps fix this is laying on it.

Laying on my wound. My hurty, scabby, now sensitive incision site. It is already hard to lay on my back. It is highly uncomfortable. To assist, I use lots of pillows. One is a bolster to help with shoulders or lumbar.

Once I set up my bed throne, I get this ice pack. And I put a towel over it and use it to cradle my neck and the back of my head.

Now, this is a hot/cold wrap that is not gel. It has this clay mixture that conforms better and releases the cold very steadily. It takes about an hour to freeze it and I can’t really tell you how long it works because I go to sleep usually. I’d say it can stay at a good temp for at least 30+ minutes. When I am up, I can’t deal with the pressure for that long, so I use it for maybe 15 minutes at a time.

I have been eating at a normal rate since getting off the Augmentin a few days ago. And in case you are wondering, it’s all working out beautifully.

I still get very tired using my arms. I was writing Christmas cards to people and I could only do six on the first go. I have been doing some paper crafts to help gain some stamina. But a little at a time, and when I am tired, I put everything away and rest. That’s the better, less fun thing to do!

Even using my phone often involves propping up my arms and trying not to look down too much. The phone is a constant source of information and entertainment right now, and holding makes things spasm and ache. Looking down stretches the incision and since there is a large scab in that does not stretch, it is very uncomfortable and possibly dangerous since I am at risk for leakage.

Still have to take it easy and hope that I can stay still long enough to get out of the danger zone.

So, back to bed…